If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Randomize
