First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
