My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
