so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
