Plan B is the new Plan A
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I think we might need a safe word for this...
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
