Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
