Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Randomize
