my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
operation harelip BJ is a go
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
