I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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