lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
