Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
