I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
