hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
