Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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