Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
