And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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