You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
