some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I'm way too hungover for life right now
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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