Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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