it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
