I got chris browned last night
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I need a burrito and a hug.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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