You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
