Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
