I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
