2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
