so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
