this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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