I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Randomize
