Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
