I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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