But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
