"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
he had hair everywhere except his balls
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
