your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
