Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
