I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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