That's when you crack a 10am beer
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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