dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
