i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
No more Irish car bombs ever.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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