suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
