repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Randomize
