The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I deserve to be covered in dicks
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
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