Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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