My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
