So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
