He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
