Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
