i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
either way he was missing a nipple.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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