I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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