I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
