Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
