I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
