Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Your face is a jimmy john
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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