i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
