You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
