Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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