I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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